Lucifer makes sweets

I never thought I’d say this, but there is a sweet food that is BAD. It does not taste good when you bite into it, it doesn’t taste good when you chew it, and it doesn’t have a nice aftertaste either. In fact, after I’ve passed it, it’ll probably be better than before.

I am talking, of course, about marzipan; the Devil’s lolly. That is, if the Devil likes the taste of shit, which assuming that he IS the Devil and all, might actually be the case. Speaking of religious beliefs, another analogy (simile? I don’t know which word is appropriate here…) of sorts; if Jesus’ body is represented by the eating of a cracker; eating marzipan must be the equivalent to drinking his urine.

Today, I went to the same shop that produced some other great treasures, so as to buy some chocolate. I bought random chocolate, and some Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups (got to love American import), plus, some marzipan. BAD DECISION. I’d heard about it, how it was used in cake’s and the like, and decided that it must be tasty, since cakes are naturally made of delicious. Buying it, I didn’t expect to be as disappointed as I was about to be.

Marzipan; obviously tied in with some sort of swine flu epidemic conspiracy.

I unwrapped the white food and took a bite. Two chews, and it came back out again. I was in shock; I didn’t know what to do. How could something taste so bad that I couldn’t bring myself to even swallow that one single bite. If there was a word that defined the exact opposite of delicious, it wouldn’t even come close to describing how bad this food was. Biggest waste of money ever. I can’t see who would want to put this shit on a cake except to make it disgusting. Who would sit there and say, “Hey, this cake tastes far too good. I must make it taste worse, for the good of mankind.”

I never want anything that tastes that foul, anywhere near my mouth, ever again. So Craig, that means no blowjobs. Sorry to disappoint. 0_o’

Tagged as: candy, devil, lollies, lolly, marzipan, swine flu, terrible, worst