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Random

For the posts that make you stop and say to yourself "Wait what?", where else would you rather go?

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ATUBGIRL

I’m a day late, but in my defence the reason I didn’t write this yesterday was no I don’t need to explain this to you, shush.

Yesterday was the monthly ATUB meet up, where all those epic people who use Twitter and also happen to live in the glorious city that is Adelaide meet up, drink and talk nonsense. I’ve only ever been to one other meet up, all the way back in October/November, but this was by far more fun and just a little exciting.

The meeting was held at The Highway Hotel where we had multiple tables reserved specially for the event. We rocked out the drinking, drawing on every conceivable surface and remarking on how much of a woman I am for jokingly wearing a skirt. I saw the old faces who I’ve talked to since I don’t know when (although as usual Rubenerd didn’t make an appearance. ONE DAY!), plus a fair few new ones. This is where I segue into a shout out to Brenton, Ash, that FlitterbyG person and that KerryJ person. I also finally met both Cypherage and HugePedlar (The antelope are fat this year) who I have to admit, wasn’t as British as I expected, but was still pretty awesome.

After hours of fun at The Highway and most people had left, the last of us went to the Ed Castle (?) for dinner. It wasn’t as nice a place, but with the meals being just ten dollars I wasn’t really going to complain.  After dinner, we all talked for a little while, before going our separate ways.

Thank you for the fun times guys, it was nice catching up, and meeting the new people. I’m going to try and be more of a regular to these events, and I do promise to be (slightly) less drunk.

Other places you can read about the Feb ‘10 ATUB:

• Harnessed Crayon
• Adelaide Tweeters (I guess you could call this one the “official” post)

There are photos about the place as well:

• Monnie’s Picasa gallery (From which the above photo was “borrowed”. I’ll return it when I’m done!)
• Brenton’s Picasa gallery (Not as big as Monnie’s, but I’m in it so it’s instantly awesome)
• Flitterbyg’s Flickr gallery (I didn’t photobomb any of these ones, but they’re still worth a look :P)
• Aliyaki’s Facebook gallery (She’s too good for Picasa or Flickr, and everyone in her photos seems abnormally happy)
• Hugepedlar created a random video from photos taken that day “introducing” everyone who came, which can be checked out here (you could of used a more flattering photo of me man, I mean, come on!)

More will be added as I find them/can finally load them. CURSE YOU CAPTAIN PLANET HITLER CAPPED INTERNET!

Success.

You know you’ve achieved success when you have your very own hashtag. By you I of course mean me though. No offence.

So hey, you guys rock, and I’ll make my very own “dear diary, ATUB WAS FREAKING AWESOME” post in the coming days, but right now I’m too tired and Star Wars turns me on something shocking.

But when it comes to me, which is what this is all about, make sure you tag your tweets with #whatawhore; because I’m awesome.

Famines are caused by people like me.

Another short piece of writing from July of 2008. I remember this quite vividly actually.

When I’m stoned, apparently cooking just enough pasta for me and my friend isn’t enough. No, I have to cook enough for the entire of Australia.
ALL MY FUCKING PASTA.
IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.
COOKED FOR NO REASON.
I even forgot to like, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. I have to throw it out because it’s probably crawling with some disease that would make me grow a vagina or something. Fuck.

A Smell Strong Enough To Rip A Hole In Time And Space

This piece of ancient writing is from all the way back in July of 2008, when I was working as a checkout dick at Foodland. Wow.

I am writing this literally minutes after serving a customer with THE strongest B.O I have ever smelled. It was worse than the smell of a sweating feminist after she jogged to a rally protesting against air conditioning on a hot summers day. On a volcano. An active. volcano. The smell of that woman after all that sweating would be nothing compared to what was standing before me at that moment.
I was completely taken aback by the power of her odour, to the point that I had to actually pause to take in what was happening.
I just couldn’t fathom how someone would let themselves stink THAT MUCH. Fighting back tears as the smell stung my eyes, I started her sale, hoping with all my might that her problem was simply a one off; that she might of simply run out of deodorant and was buying some more today.
As she put her stuff on the checkout belt, I saw she was grouping her items, frozens together, bread together, meat together, etc. This also meant that her toiletries would be together, so i could easily catch sight of whether or not she was buying any deodorant. As her sale moved on, and I coughed repeatedly as the foul taste invaded my mouth, I was dismayed to find no deodorant in her hygene and cleaning stuff. Still retaining some hope, I fought off the feeling of the odour destroying my tastebuds, and asked "Do you have any other chemicals I can add to this bag; like dishwashing detergent, or maybe deodorant?"
I smirked because of how obvious I was being.
Oh god…
This was inhuman. Jesus must of been weeping at this point; he did not die so people could smell like this! I decided to just finish the sale ASAP an be rid of this hell.
I got to the end of the seemingly endless stream of items, when another, mildy nicer smell, became noticable to me…
"Excuse me, you grabbed a leaking bleach."
She took a look at it and said "Oh wow, I couldn’t even smell it!"
Gee, I wonder why.
To effectively cut this story off at the knees (because even THINKING about the smell makes me ill), we got her bleach replaced which meant she had to hang around longer. At that point her sale was at $200. TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS AND SHE COULDNT BUY EVEN ONE STICK OF ROLLON. What the fuck was wrong with her? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want her to go into a big speil about the ozone layer or anything, because then she would of lingered LONGER.
Hopefully I never have to serve her again.

Birds

Yet another piece of old writing I just uncovered from October 2008.

I saw a dead bird’s corpse and it made me wonder. I know seagulls attempt to fly out to sea when dead because Ned Flanders told me, but how do all these birds we see around our neighbourhoods die? Surely they, like seagulls, know when they’re close to going. If they do, I’m disappointed they waste it sitting on a telephone wire waiting to drop off.
Personally if I were a bird, i’d die doing something I enjoy, like shitting on someone midair. Wouldn’t it be brilliant if I could time it right so I hit the person, then while he’s reeling from the shock of being shat on, he gets hit by a dead bird?
Better yet, die during mating, so when I fall off dead from pleasure, the tipping of my deadweight causes the other bird to fall too; hilarity. This would only work if I were the male of course. Pretty sure a male would have no issue humping a dead bird then flying away with a look of satisfaction on it’s face. That thought is disturbing.

The Amount

I have no hair. This makes everything I say in this post important and you should take it all in.

The Amount.
The Amount.
The Amount.
Mount The A.

The Amount is a YouTube show of two people talking complete shit about stuff that no-one understands. Why is this important? BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME. One of the stars of the show is a mate of mine, and I decided to give it a watch the other day. It’s a hilarious show where they display a lack of dignity, a love of stupidity, and a considerable lack of carton-humping (which may or may not be a good thing).

CHECK OUT SOME PROMO GLORY. 

Her face kind of scares me there.

So why did I feel the need to make a pointless post about this? Because they need subscribers. And I want more people to feast on their videos. Or you could just watch them, I don’t care either way.

Anyway, click this link.

Hairstyle Homicide

Today, a good friend who has stuck by me through the years, died. Goodnight sweet prince.

This is worth watching, if just to see me get slapped across the face at 1:09-1:10.

Question #9

Last night on Tumblr, I was asked a question which I decided to answer on here rather than on my tumblog.

What would you want in your ideal apartment/house?

Oh man, where to begin!? Obviously there’ll be two bedrooms, a kitchen, lounge room and so forth. But additionally, I also want:

• A room where the walls and roof are all mirrors.
• A "TARDIS" room; where there’s a small cupboard or something against a wall. It looks like just a cupboard, but if you go through it, it takes you into a whole “secret” room.
• Every games console possible, maybe in a designated gaming room.
• A room mate so I don’t go insane.
• Internet.
• A nice garden. I’m a sucker for nice plants.

I can’t really think of anything else off hand, but this is a start. If you have your own “dream home”, what would you have in it?

Ask me more questions by following this here link. It’s an awesome link.

Out of Office

As part of a post on NotGamers, I sent a question to Robin Walker at Valve Software, only to receive an out of office email saying to contact Gabe Newell about anything TF2 related. I sent the same email to him, to get this reply:

I am out of the office starting Feb. 12th (but on email). For general issues, e-mail scott@valvesoftware.com. For marketing or press issues, e-mail lombardi@valvesoftware.com.  To complain about HL-2 Ep 3 taking too long, email laidlaw@valvesoftware.com.  To complain about L4D2 not taking long enough, email toml@valvesoftware.com.  To complain about the crafting/lack of crafting in TF2, email robin@valvesoftware.com  To compliment the writers of Valve for creating funny out of office replies, email lazygadabouts@valvesoftware.com.  I’ll be back in Seattle Feb. 21st.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Seems they have their fan base pretty much covered.

The challenge

Last night I challenged Rubenerd to make and release a new episode of his podcast, Rubenerd Show by 6pm next Sunday, giving him 7 days. If he does it, I will video/write/whatever anything he wants. If he doesn’t, I kill him…or he doesn’t release a new episode. I don’t know.

Anyway, just putting it here in writing. I want to see hear that new episode Rubenerd!

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