about me

Here’s my card!

by ZombieSkittles on May 18, 2011

I have business/social calling cards!

1 2

Courtesy of Moo.com and About.Me, I was given 50 free business cards built off of the information on my About.Me page. All I was meant to pay for was shipping, but with some googling I managed to eliminate that too, rewarding myself with the product completely free.

Of course, I don’t really have a use for them as yet. All I do at the moment to a professional standard is riffle cards and flick balls1, and that hardly calls for an exchange of details.
Maybe one day my writing will be of such a standard that publications will pay me amazing amounts of money for my opinions on something. Fat chance, but it could happen2.
Or I could become an astronaut and go into the farthest reaches of space. I could meet an alien and with these cards it would be a snap to exchange contact information. “Do you have a pen so I can write down your email address?” He’d say, to which I would respond,
“No need! Here, let me toss you my card. It has all my details on it.”
I’ll smile, and the alien would look perplexed before pointing out the obvious, “You can’t just throw it, there’s no gravity so it’ll just float there.”
My smile drops, as I ponder the fact that this yellow3 creature, who astonishingly can speak fluent English, actually has a point. After a few moments, I finally speak. “You have a point. Here, I’ll just hand it to you.”

The exchange done, we can finally get back to the matter at hand; I have calling cards and I don’t really need them at this point in time. Still, it’s cool to have some.

  1. Giggity.
  2. In my dreams.
  3. Green? Red? This is my hypothetical situation so the alien is now yellow.

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Oh god. My mother…

by ZombieSkittles on August 31, 2009

Has a twitter.

No fear, no disaster, no terror compares to the shock of finding the following tweet in my mentions:

default_profile_bigger jilly10001: @Zombie_Plan will you be home for dinner

 

Really, what do you say to that. Your mother has just done the unthinkable and now has access to my every thought and feeling; That stuff is private and she has no right! How dare she access something broadcast on a public internet feed. How dare she. This is unacceptable, and something must be done.
But do I block her? Should I protect my feed and turn into the very thing that gives me the shits on Twitter? Or do I put a hit out on her because very soon she’ll know too much.

Alternatively, I could just make a blog post about the issue, and hope to god she doesn’t follow the links off my tweets. If she does, I hope she doesn’t read this next bit.

I am secretly a black Jewish lesbian with a fetish for having my nipples chewed on by two stray dogs while I get beaten with a broken buckling spring computer keyboard. Oh, and I made a kickass new About page for this blog.

Wow, I probably should of avoided making that so noticeable. Too late now though, not like this keyboard comes with a backspace button or anything. Oh snap.

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