This piece of ancient writing is from all the way back in July of 2008, when I was working as a checkout dick at Foodland. Wow.
I am writing this literally minutes after serving a customer with THE strongest B.O I have ever smelled. It was worse than the smell of a sweating feminist after she jogged to a rally protesting against air conditioning on a hot summers day. On a volcano. An active. volcano. The smell of that woman after all that sweating would be nothing compared to what was standing before me at that moment.
I was completely taken aback by the power of her odour, to the point that I had to actually pause to take in what was happening.
I just couldn’t fathom how someone would let themselves stink THAT MUCH. Fighting back tears as the smell stung my eyes, I started her sale, hoping with all my might that her problem was simply a one off; that she might of simply run out of deodorant and was buying some more today.
As she put her stuff on the checkout belt, I saw she was grouping her items, frozens together, bread together, meat together, etc. This also meant that her toiletries would be together, so i could easily catch sight of whether or not she was buying any deodorant. As her sale moved on, and I coughed repeatedly as the foul taste invaded my mouth, I was dismayed to find no deodorant in her hygene and cleaning stuff. Still retaining some hope, I fought off the feeling of the odour destroying my tastebuds, and asked "Do you have any other chemicals I can add to this bag; like dishwashing detergent, or maybe deodorant?"
I smirked because of how obvious I was being.
Oh god…
This was inhuman. Jesus must of been weeping at this point; he did not die so people could smell like this! I decided to just finish the sale ASAP an be rid of this hell.
I got to the end of the seemingly endless stream of items, when another, mildy nicer smell, became noticable to me…
"Excuse me, you grabbed a leaking bleach."
She took a look at it and said "Oh wow, I couldn’t even smell it!"
Gee, I wonder why.
To effectively cut this story off at the knees (because even THINKING about the smell makes me ill), we got her bleach replaced which meant she had to hang around longer. At that point her sale was at $200. TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS AND SHE COULDNT BUY EVEN ONE STICK OF ROLLON. What the fuck was wrong with her? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want her to go into a big speil about the ozone layer or anything, because then she would of lingered LONGER.
Hopefully I never have to serve her again.
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