Yet another piece of old writing I just uncovered from October 2008.

I saw a dead bird’s corpse and it made me wonder. I know seagulls attempt to fly out to sea when dead because Ned Flanders told me, but how do all these birds we see around our neighbourhoods die? Surely they, like seagulls, know when they’re close to going. If they do, I’m disappointed they waste it sitting on a telephone wire waiting to drop off.
Personally if I were a bird, i’d die doing something I enjoy, like shitting on someone midair. Wouldn’t it be brilliant if I could time it right so I hit the person, then while he’s reeling from the shock of being shat on, he gets hit by a dead bird?
Better yet, die during mating, so when I fall off dead from pleasure, the tipping of my deadweight causes the other bird to fall too; hilarity. This would only work if I were the male of course. Pretty sure a male would have no issue humping a dead bird then flying away with a look of satisfaction on it’s face. That thought is disturbing.