It seems the Hellraiser franchise may be getting a TV debut. I’ve been watching the movies slowly over the course of the past few months, and of course, been loving them. While the later sequels are a little bit lacking in places, I’ve always been a sucker for bad horror movies so it works for me. How it would work though, is something of speculation. Will it even work? I can imagine it working in a format similar to The Twilight Zone or Freddy’s Nightmares, where the ‘host’ (In this case Pinhead), introduces the episode. The story would play out from beginning to climax, and then Pinhead would appear again to give the epilogue.
Looks painful.
With American Horror Story being the hit it was, I suspect (Read: hope) that there will be more “small screen” adaptations of other horror franchises. How many of us would love a television series based on the Evil Dead franchise (I’d rather that than a remake, honestly.), or Michael Myers from Halloween (I would definitely prefer this over another fucking Rob Zombie remake.).
Whatever happens concerning horror on television, I look forward to the Hellraiser series coming to completion at the very least. It’s still in early production though, so it’ll be a wait.
Possibly the greatest announcement in the history of announcements. I absolutely loved Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy1, and the idea that there will be a sequel to what I consider Will Ferrell’s greatest movie is just too good for words. The skit performed to announce it –which is conveniently placed above for your viewing pleasure- was fantastic also. Will Ferrell plays an amazing part, though you can clearly see the flute playing is fake…
Holy crap, I just found something on the world wideinterwebs; writings by myself from almost two years ago. As in, before I had an actual blog. If I can find any more, I’ll post them on here. For now, here is a “review” of the Max Payne movie. You know the one, the one with Mark Whalberg.
Today, I went and watched the atrocity that is Max Payne, starring Mark Whalberg. I’m not exactly sure what it is that makes such a good actor as Wahlberg take on such shitty roles, but I wish he’d stop already. For those unfamiliar with Max Payne, he is the "hero" in the game of the same name. The plots of the movie and game both have similar traits. Max came home to find his family dead at the hands of drug addicts. He spends the next few years constantly seeking retribution; investigating dead-end leads which eventually reveal plot points and twists, and then the end. The directors and writers try to move the plot towards different scenarios than the game, keeping the movie from being too much like its electronic counterpart. This is where the movie falls short though. The movie seems to go on forever, leaving me more frustrated than wowed at the slow motion action sequences. During these scenes of course, the movie seems to act ALOT like a computer game. Max is amazingly blessed with unlimited ammo, and has dead-on accuracy, where-as his enemies have worse aim than the stormtroopers from Star Wars and lack almost any ammo in their weapons. Payne moves up each level of whatever building he’s moving through, until he reaches the end level "boss". Also, any injuries he MAY sustain the scene before are magically forgotten about, as if he picked up a health pack on the way. The movie left me confused when BAM! Demons were suddenly attacking everyone. Like what the hell! There were never demons in the game. Makes no sense at all, and doesn’t contribute anything real to the movie, except for a chance to throw a heap of special effects in our faces. So Max Payne goes all dark-side as he probes people and eventually gets to the root of it all (which I’m not going to ruin, just in case you want to expose yourself to this deplorable excuse of a movie). He almost dies but takes an experimental super-addictive drug which the bad guys coincidently gave him, and this saves him from hypothermia somehow. Also, it makes him see burning ashes instead of snow, and demons start flying overhead as if hell were suddenly taking over the city. The drug gives him the power to shoot his way through EVERYTHING, and forget about his wounds even quicker. "OH I GOT HIT BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER…NOTHING REALLY MATTERS…TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". No matter how many shots are landed on him, he just keeps on moving, like the drug turned him into some Jason Vorhees/Michael Myers hybrid. I refuse to talk about this any longer or reveal any more. Go see it for yourself if you want to put yourself through that misery. Max Payne needs to lay off the motherfucking drugs.
